Last night was a classic tale of drinking too much and regretting the state of my body the next morning. My relationship to substances has changed over the past year to honing in on how it’ll allow me live more fully and refusing to give in to any social pressures if it’ll compromise my ability to enjoy and experience every moment. With any substance, dosage is one of the most important factors to your end experience. Take too much, and the substance forced you to suppress the input coming in.

Never drink to bring myself to this state again. i really prize my mental state and do not want to compromise that for anything.. understand now how people waste days away. i never want that. i want to feel every moment and instead i was forced to dull it all and hide away to get away from the intensity given my mental state. i forced myself to live less fully. this is a reminder to never compromise my ability to be fully present for every moment.


This is the 87th installment in my experiment of publishing raw, lightly edited mini-essays every day towards achieving 100 public pieces. Check out the rationale and the full list here.